8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. (Hebrews 11:8)
2012 was a year full of worries. From my dwindling faith in God rose situations of stress and unbelief in the light of an unknown future. One of the biggest idols in my life is my career and my future success. Medical school is easy because it is a clearly defined period of time (4 years) after which I become a doctor. However, life can never be so easily divided. With and without God, the future is unknown to us. For non-believers, this can be a source of angst, but for believers, this should not even matter, as we firmly believe in the providence of Jesus. Abraham did not know where he was going, but by faith he obeyed.
In many areas of my life, I have an unwillingness to “go out” and obey Jesus with an attitude of dependence on Him. I am trying to understand the idea that Jesus does not tell me where He will take me, but rather shows me who He is. If I truly, in the depths of my heart, believe that, I should be satisfied. But I am not! I still feel uneasy and am filled with doubt about the power of Jesus, the God whom I claim to love. Jesus, please continue to reveal me the reality of your death and resurrection. If I truly, deeply understood how much you loved me, I would be on my hands and knees in worship.
It is true that I feel ashamed about the areas in my life which I refuse to yield to Him. But Paul says that it is his “earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall not be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.” (Philippians 1:20). My 2013 resolution is simply that—to be resolute in my faith. My determined purpose is to be my utmost for His highest—my best for His glory. To reach such a level of determination is a matter of will, not of debate or reasoning. It is the undue amount of thought and consideration of myself that keeps me from making that decision, although I cover it up with the pretense that it is others I am considering.